HELP A GORILLA, EAT A WAFFLE

It seems even the King of the Jungle must stoop to sleazy Marketing Practices.

Kool96.5 the 14th. Valentine's Day Renewing Vows

Well, We entered and won a contest to have our vows renewed on the 14th. FEB. The local Radio station is kool965fm.ca.

It will take place live on the Air waves starting at 9am our time. Which will be at 1pm in the UK. We will be with another 95 couples (96.5). Get it! I suppose a Divorced person will be the other .5. One couple will also win a 2nd Honeymoon to Las Vegas ( or Lost Wages) Nev.

Both of us entered the contest unknow to each other. As we never have done anything for the 14th. before, as for me everyday is Valentine's Day. Same thing for Christmas. We have recycled the same Christmas Card to each other for almost 20 years now. Always add a different saying to the card to time capsule the year past. We both must be incurable romantics at heart.

After the horrible week I had being in court with "Buddy Boy". ( if you haven't seen what I am talking about go back to Dec. Blog and fast forward.)

It would be cool for the Mermaid to be here with us but as the North Atlantic is very stormy and lots of Iceberg's. It is not safe to swim over at this time of year. Also the Sealing Fleet will be off shore soon. Mermaids maybe mistaken for something else.

Although it would be an interesting opportunity to meet lonely single Fishermen, Merms.........

Update of Court Case

Well , He got 3 months. The Crown turned down 6 months. What a waste. Still 3 months is better than nothing.
The police forgot to impound his actual clothes. He wore the night of the break-in. Thus , He wore differrent clothes to Court. So of course things just didn't jive. The other stufff is who knows where?

So with everyone saying something a little differrent. The Judge ruled most of the evidence given was not relavent.

Song about Farting

Please sing this to "Knee's up Mother Brown". When i think of another tune more appro. or if you can think of a good tune let me know. I will sing this to that then. What a gasssss. "Enjoy" Please note that I am not responsible for any sudden eruptions that may occur while reading.




A Fart is a pleasant thing,
It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in the winter,
And suffocates the cats fleas.

A Fart can be soft and quiet,
A fart can be loud and Proud,
Some can leave a powerful,
Stinking poisonous Cloud,

A Fart can be sweet and short,
Or a fart can be puffy Long,
Some Farts have been known,
To sound like most of my Songs.

A Fart can create,
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent,queit and DEAdly.

A Fart always does occur,
In a myriad of embarrsing places,
And leaves everyone there,
With squinty eyes and strange looks on their faces.

From the wide-open prairies,
To the seats of Newfoundland theaters,
A fart will find each and everyone,
Of us much sooner than later.


I haven't written all these verses myself. This is a complation of several authors and myself, although the melody idea is mine.

HELP-The Cat is driving me nuts-

Somebody save me from this bewitching cat (actually Bitching Cat) is more accurate. Patches in her Halloween Outfit, but She really is a little witch. She is 16 years and 5 months old. I found her one night in the pouring rain around Halloween at the Lodge of which I was a member. Her whole routine is out to lunch as her Mommy is currently in Calgary on a Business Trip.

Her day consists of sleeping,pooping,farting, eating,complaining,sitting on your lap and Bacon. Anything that comes out of the Fridge is bacon to the Cat. For the past week, she has started to complain from first light to after lights out. The only time she is quiet is when she is eating. Nothing I do is what she wants. What she needs is her Mommy and her lap. Hopefully after tonight, when Mrs. Tarf comes back. Patches will setlle back into her old routine.

Because if it ever came down to a choice of which one of us would come or go. Patches would have my side of the bed as well.
I would be out sleeping in the car. Although no Cat. HMMMMMMMMMMM! Bananas

@#$#%$%#@#$%ing Continuance on the Court Case

What another delay!!! I phoned up the Crown for a Verdict. The Trial continues. I maybe called back to give more Testimony in Court. Will know on the 28th. What a CROCK. ( excuse me for shouting).


We have a Continuance. For crying out loud. I need a Drink.

Hi,ho,hi,ho It's Off to Court I go

I thought I was being clever or funny with the Title. I Googled and it appears , I was not as original in my Idea for a Catchy Headline. It is really depressing now as thousands are or have been in the same boat.

Well I had one of the more stressful days, yesterday whilst at court than I have had in a long time. I arrived at court to be escorted into the Crown's Office. G and I were both witness's for the Crown. I wrote earlier about a Police Officer being called off duty to go to Court. They had 5 Police Officer's called in to give evidence. The Poor Cst.'s they were off duty or in between shifts to go on duty so instead of having a nice quiet afternoon to relax . Before having to don bullet proof vests to go to work.
They had to keep me and buddy boy company in court for several Hours. Plus 2 Sheriffs and 3 or 4 Lawyers's, Judge and
Steno's. All on our Tax Dollars. And to add insult to injury, We fed and housed Buddy boy and probably paid his rent on his house through Social Services.


So as I was the Prime witness. I was in the stand for over 1 and 1/2 hours. Being grilled by some want to be Perry Mason. Trying to trip me up on words and what I saw. I know it was the little Bugger, who was there and I said so. Even If i got mixed up on whether there was writing on the jacket or not or if I saw him dead on. How come I didn't notice he had a black eye. It was still HIM!!!! $%#@#$$%%$%$#@#$$%

So I do not know how it went as after i left the court and waited 15 minutes for G, the 5 Police Officers still had to go in to give evidence. If He gets off. I shall be furious with the Crown. As they turned down a deal for 6 months for this guy. Because He has a long criminal record and wanted to put him away for a long, long time in a Federal Prison. Hey 6 months, is a good deterrent.

I am glad I am not a SAINT. So I can @@@@ing Swear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Losing your cool

What make's some one lose their cool? It seems to me what causes yours truly to blow his top. Is not the Mountain's that suddenly appear out of no where but the little Mole Hills, that Life throws your way.

You may remember about the break-in, We had in the Building just before Christmas. Well as I mentioned before they caught the fellow. He has been residing behind bars since that date. Now it appears that, He has pleaded "I am Innocent. It was a friend of mine who did it not me" Bull feathers!!!!!!!

So what happens I get a Subpoena from the provincial court to appear in court this week as a witness for the Crown. Not only is this low life wasting my time but taking the arresting Officers out of active duty so they have to appear in court as well. Plus wasting the Judge's time etc. All using up my tax dollars. I realize one is innocent until proven guilty.

He confesses, he was in the building to the Police, when they pick him up, based on my description and the fact he had break-in tools in his possession and has been arrested for the same crime on many previous occasions.

It is enough to make a Saint swear.

Staying the Night at New Scotland Yard

When We first arrived in England. We I mean there where four of us, ( Jim,larry, Micheal and me). We arrived in the late evening at that time everything apart from Picadilly Circus was closed. As 3 of us had no where to stay as for Jim . He was a reporter and was staying in one of the Hotels downtown, he was 35+ and never left home before.

It was interesting to walk around one of the largest cities in the world and not see anyone. the sodium street lights cast an
eery , surreal glow on everything. Around 1:30 am, we found ourselves still walking the streets. Jim had checked himself into some hotel around the Victoria Station and we were going to met up with him at Trafalgar Square around noon the next day.

We came across New Scotland Yard. So i persuaded the guys to go into the building and ask if we could have a room for the night. As it was common practice in North America to ask the local Plod's for some lodging to keep off the streets.

I went up to the desk and spoke to the duty Sargent. He was an older fellow from Glasgow, Scotland so he told us afterwards over a cup of tea. You have to imagine this next exchange in a very broad and thick scottish accent.

" Och, Oye, Laddies . This is New Scotland Yard, we do not do that sort of thing here. We do not put people up in here, willingly. They always want out not in." " but if you want somewhere to sleep, You can sleep in St. James Park and I will tell the bobbies to leave, ye be until daylight. Before the upper Nobby, Snobs, complain to us that Hippies are sleeping in their precious park."

" I have to walk the dogs around that time anyways. I will come over and get you lot up. The Canadians are always welcome here, good thing you are not Yanks."

So he gave us the directions and a few sandwiches and off we went and went to sleep on the park benches. I was woken rather strangely as my face had the feeling of being washed. Opened my eyes and nearly had a fit as I stared right into the mouth of the biggest German Shepherd I had ever seen at the time. Who was giving me a lick to decide I guess, If I tasted good enough to eat. I guess i didn't because I am still around.

The Sergeant was there from the night before, walking 3 very large Police Dogs, he just laughed. ''Time to get up now boys." " If you come over to the station, Breakfast is being served and you are more than welcome to have a spot of tea."

So we showered and had a nice hot breakfast, the last I would have for a long time. On the way out they gave us some sandwiches and a 5 pound note.

Another Isle of Wight -1970's Festival Story

I was telling a story of Desolation road at the last blog about Gollum. After the Festival I stayed behind with a bunch of others to earn a few bob and get some meals. I signed up to help clean up the site of garbage and was paid 5 old pence per garbage bag. Also I was able to add to my wardrobe as when I came over to Uk early that year. I only came on a one way ticket, $1.20 in my pocket and the clothes on my back.

How I managed to get through customs I do not know. I digress..

Anyways, about a week after the Festival was over . There probably was about 20-30 people still at the site. We had cleaned up the site and helped take down the various fences etc. We had a visit from Constable Plod and some of his friends. They came to try and chivvy us up as the locals were complaining that the Hippies were still on site and wouldn't leave the Isle.

I was tidying up my stuff but as I was putting things into my haversack. When Constable Plod opened the tent door and saw me put a matchbox into my case. He said" Oy,Oy. What's in that matchbox. then" In those days one usually carried one's stash in a match box. He turned to his mates and said" We got one"." Got one what?" I said back to Him."

" I wonder what is in that matchbox?" he said. with a laugh and a nod to his mate. I told him" An Elephant".

"You can't get an elephant in a matchbox!" " You must have some dope in here." Said Constable Plod. I said " No, it is an elephant." " Ha,ha,Ha, Lets have a look at that matchbox ." Said constable Plod.

So he opened it up and inside. It was a little metal elephant that I was given by some girl in Canada before I left.

Well Constable Plod turned every shade of red and really didn't have a sense of humour. He left in a real huff. I then put my other matchbox into my haversack that I had in my pocket.

Well, the next day. We were all escorted off the Isle of Wight. As it seems we were in the Isle of Wrong and not
Isle of Wright. As we had all over stayed our welcome.

I landed in Southhampton and proceed to Hitchhike back to London. Unfortunately I walked almost all the way there.
I used to see these large Lorries pass by with what I thought was a divine message. Not to get disheartened, as I would get a ride to London, when it was right. It said " TAKE COURAGE".

I found out later on that it was a brand of beer. Although some of you would say Beer is divine.

Quick Fix Versus Meaningful Content

Those of you who read this blog; would have noticed that I have removed from the Blog several recent additions.

I have decided that I am going to try and stay away from what I refer to as a Quick Fix for something to add to this Blog. I felt that I not only cheated my readers the few that their are but mostly short changed myself. Pictures are fine and the odd time for provoking some comment just to change things around once in a while is OK.

But for this Blogger to rely on them, without putting some thought or meaning to the story being told. I will no longer take the easy way out just to feel forced to have some entry added to this site on a regular basis.

The idea behind doing this is for me, to have some sort of outlet to express oneself, clear one's mind of thoughts and to put things into some degree of order. Even if it appears to be organized chaos to others.

PROPER "FARTING" ETIQUETTE

For those of you who may not be aware of the proper protocol for letting the big one.

"WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST".

It is Thursday again in Canada

New Years Eve Baby




It seems that Thursdays are the main day for this Blogger to write some drivel. I am only doing this as Thursdays appear to arrive at least once a week. It must take me that long to recover from the other 6 days.

Well Mutley, I am writing this solely in your honour. As you once stated that it is always Thursday in Canada.

I do not know if that is the case for certain. It is only Thursday for 1/7 of the week. Even though we are a Bilingual Country, Thursday's only come once a week.

Although I know for a fact that, "It is always 5 o'clock somewhere".

I have to go to find my" Jigger of Salt". I have not seen it since last Thursday or is it really " Thirst Day".


CHEERS!!!!!!!!!

Lottery tickets do you buy more than 1

So it is the big night and the Lottery is huge. So what do you do? You stand in line for what seems like hours to get your ticket. You run your favorite numbers and just for luck you decide to buy an instant pick. Why bother to buy an instant pick.

You can only win with one set of numbers. If you buy two or more tickets; you are just wasting more money. As one of the tickets you have is a loser for sure!!!!!!!

It stands to reason only one ticket can win.

Another Glastonbury Tale-Isle of Wight Festival

When I last spoke about Glastonbury. I didn't speak some what of some of the more colourful people who lived there. I would like to tell you the tale of Gollum and the Chalice Well. Gollum I first met at the 1970 Isle of Wight Festival along with Chicky,Tree Beard,Legolas and Gandalf. There were others , well you get the idea. Each and every night on Desolation Road we used to read from the Lord of the Rings. (Isle of Wight will be another story). There is a great web site on the 1970 concert with loads of photo's and stories form the concert. I am including a photo of Desolation road as it has pictures of some of the gang; I just mentioned and I am in the back ground, some of the arms or legs that are shown. I think my old friend Larry i was there as well but put his hands up so you would be able to see his face for some reason or is the chap laying down.. That is pretty weird, seeing myself in a purple haze after almost 38 years.

To return to the story. As you are well aware of the Gollum character was rather repulsive,dirty,smelly etc., the Gollum at Glastonbury resembled the literary creature to a tee.

Every day we went to the Chalice Well to get our Drinking water and cooking water for the day as the only water we had down the lane was what ran in several ditches and it was fine for bathing but not for drinking. Anyway's this day a group of older ladies( Nuns) from somewhere were going on a pilgrimage to the Chalice well for some of the healing properties from the well water. As it was supposed to be the Chalice that Christ and his Disciples drank from at the Last supper. It was also known as the Holy Grail.

The water was always clean and pure and the Well never run dry, according to the legend. We used to get our water from a Lion's Head Fountain.

The ladies went in to the Chalice Well and were shocked to see a naked Gollum bathing in the Well itself, complete with bubble bath and his clothes were drying on the rock wall. None of us for several days drank from the Well as we were certain that there was a evil looking slime on the water as it flowed out of the lion's head.

After that a wall and door was built so a repeat of the sort would not happen again. We still called him Gollum, but we did
not need to get up wind of him anymore. My Preciousssssssssssss.